So today (because of therapy yesterday) I was thinking a lot about both how and why I feel this way. And you know, it's very hard to say. Just feeling something or just knowing something sounds so cliche and bogus, but I think that's really my only answer. When people mistake me for a man and call me sir, I like it. It feels right. And I want it to be right and I want for it to not be a mistake. It's hard though, explaining that to someone else. Or at least, justifying that reasoning to someone else because most of the time then they'll be like "But why?" and you're like "I don't know!" Or at least I am.
But also I've been trying to figure out what I mean when I say "I want to be a man." I've been trying to figure out what that means to me. Am I just feeling like I have to change my body to fit with the way that I feel because of society? Am I just conforming to these stereotypical roles of male and female? I don't think so. But then from that, here is a question I feel myself asking people post-transition:
How could you possibly know that this was the best thing, 100%, and that this was totally right for you?
Input, please.
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2 comments:
God! You ARE so cliche. I can't believe you of all people can't come up with a better reason than "It just feels right."
BULLSHIT.
Rely on something other than feelings...
Like looking hot. You are the hottest man I know. It's totally right because your girlfriend is high maintenance and you have to transition because she wants to have you as her arm candy for the rest of her life. So that's a good enough reason.
Mhmm.
Just kidding, I love you so much sweetheart and we'll get through this together. We'll figure out what's right, and you'll just know for sure. And I promise, I won't let you talk yourself out anything I know you want.
I had something to say and then the previous comment made me laugh and forget what my comment was going to be, most likely signifying that it wasn't anything I haven't said before.
So as a recap:
I respect you so much. This must be so difficult and frustrating and to know that you're going to get through it (and be marvelous, because I know you will be)is just so...awe-inspiring, as saccharine as that sounds.
Would you like some wine with that cheese?
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