Phone Call

Ok, ok, yeah I know I never update here. I'm just so goddamn busy being trans! Haha, kidding, kidding. I am busy, but not usually being trans.

Anywho, I thought I would let everyone know that I did call Dr. Brownstein, the doctor I am hoping to go to for chest surgery, today and I'm trying to work it out so that I can go to him sometime this summer. It was exciting and scary. And thinking in real terms like in a few months my body will be completely different and this won't be all talk is making me a little nervous. I understand now how people felt when they said that like they were closer to their body and stuff right before surgery. It's like thinking about taking real action makes me a little bit scared and that fear makes me say, "Well, but maybe what I've got going on is alright." And even though I know it's not, it's hard sometimes, when I'm thinking about only being able to lay in bed for a week. Not being able to do things for myself. Ahhh!

Heh, today the secretary lady was like "Oh well, you might not be able to lift a heavy bookbag, so you might need help with that." And that scared me. I mean, I have some physical problems now, nothing serious, but just annoying. But I've only not been able to do my own shit once, when I broke my right wrist. And even then I didn't listen to the doctor and took my cast off every chance I got. I don't like being helpless. But I'm hoping that coping with these feelings now with my family and Margaret will help me not have to deal with them then and only focus on recovery. I'm hoping that I can rest really well for a few days and then be miraculously better! Might be wishful thinking, but at this point, I'm open to it. ;)

Alright, hope life is going well for everyone else. I would post more about my struggle acquiring hormones, but I'm worn out on that subject right now. More on that later though. Stay tuned! Haha, alright, good night.